Reviewing NFL Quarterbacks

As we yearn for our beloved “live” sports to come back (I emphasize live because I don’t really like watching the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals – which is fine – and the 2015 Super Bowl again like in “Groundhog Day”), I have created this series in which I rate every NFL team’s quarterback on a scale of elite, great, good, average, trash. I will do this for every position that you play in fantasy football (QB, RB, WR, TE, D/Special Teams) and will continue for each sport. Away we go:

Dallas Cowboys: Dak Prescott is so bad, like he only has accuracy downfield. Dak can’t run, can’t throw like a quarterback is expected to throw. I’ll give him a little credit in slinging the rock, but enough to ask to be the most paid quarterback. The highest paid player in a league is usually the best, not in the NFL, Kirk Cousins, Carson Wentz and Jared Goff are the most paid, and they are horrrrrrible. He is good, at most, and he’ll probably never get better.

Denver Broncos: Drew Lock is good. Being not the greatest rookie, this guy’s a beast. Drew can run, is accurate and can’t really throw deep I think he’s going to get there. The hype around Lock is not fake, or overhype. Everyone overhypes Lock, and they’re right to do that. The Broncos have to build around this guy. Lock’s going to lead them to the playoffs. He’s average right now, but this man will be great.

Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford, yeesh, this man isn’t the best, he’s a little underrated. He can run like Dak, has accuracy and has an arm. What’s preventing him from being good is his age. He’s old, and he won’t be good again. My guess is the Lions will try to make a playoff run when Stafford retires, not that he should yet. I mean, heck, the Pats when to the Super Bowl and the playoffs with Tom Brady, he was in his upper 30s – lower 40s, and their D carried them. The Lions could to the same. He’s good right now, and he’ll probably be average.

Green Bay Packers: I don’t know what you want me to say. Aaron Rodgers or Jordan Love, they’re both competing for the same job. Matt Lefleur has a tough decision to make. Start Rodgers, who’s gaining years and play him until he retires and waste solid Jordan Love’s time to develop him. Or Love, that would be mean to Rodgers, because he’s carried them to so much, and to develop Love, whose potential is amazing. Rodgers is elite right now, and will probably continue to be elite or great but it depends on how they play him. Love is average right now, and will be great or average, depends on how they play him.

Houston Texans: Deshaun Watson has it all. An arm, accuracy and scrambling outside the pocket. Now that they traded away Deshaun Hopkins, Watson is going to have Brandin Cooks to throw to, “elite” receiver. Here is an audio clip from a game in the upcoming season: “Oh, Watson has Cooks deep, Watson unloads, Cooks running, aaaaaaaaaand… Cooks couldn’t get there, surely there was someone in the stands, right Bill?” Cooks has speed but he’s just not great. Watson is great, and he’ll be elite.

Indianapolis Colts: Philip Rivers is old, doesn’t have an arm, can’t run and I guess the only thing he has is accuracy. What were they doing in free agency? Philip Rivers is not the cream of the crop and is way past his prime. This man isn’t good and won’t lead them to a playoff berth. Jacoby Brissett is? Philip? No. Luckily they drafted well, so Rivers has weapons. Philip is average and will always be average.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Gardner Minshew is a meme for the NFL. Everyone thinks this guy is great, like come on. Minshew is bad, scrambling isn’t everything. The Jags could hopefully get a QB in the draft, and that would be an improvement over Gardner. If he’s so good, why didn’t they make it to the playoffs? Minshew is average, and good at best.

Kansas City Chiefs: What can I say about Patrick Mahomes, he’s so good. He has the strongest arm in the league, accuracy, can throw on the run and can scramble. If he didn’t have Tyreek Hill, he would be bad. But hey, Patrick would be nothing without Spongebob. So Mahomes is good because of himself, and because he has his partner in crime, Hill, who also beats up his kids (just thought I’d add it there). Mahomes is elite and he’s reached his full potential, eliteness, this man’s a beast.

More next time.