NFL Season Heats Up – Coming to the Championships

The NFL season is heating up, like the players cooking with gas, or rather, the coaches are telling the players cooking with gas, or the races are heating up, yes, that one, the races. Some of the races are run-aways, while others are corrupted with bottom feeders, but, think about that, corrupted with bottom feeders, which makes it a close race; it’s like running a race blindfolded while trying not to drop an egg on a spoon, while your feet are tied with your opponents, and the contestants are koalas bred with alpacas. A lot of information to process there, am I right? Yeah, that’s something like the NFC East, or no, exactly like the NFC East. While others are two teams that are the blindfolded kolpacas and the other two teams are knights with chiseled bodies and luscious hair with Star Wars-esque weapons, the NFC and AFC South divisions.

Let me give you a brief overview of all the teams in the AFC, tomorrow the NFC, and on Wednesday, my fantasy situation.

The AFC teams: *cue the NFL Fox Music*

Bills: They have to be the most aesthetically pleasing team in the NFL, they are all around perfect, except for the three losses. They have a great, young QB, Josh Allen, who’s blossoming way earlier than anyone expected and he’s way better than anyone expected, a young RB, Devin Singletary, who’s mediocre, and, in my opinion, the worst position on this offense. The WRs are the best position at the line, Stefon Diggs is having an NFL record-breaking season, Cole Beasley, who is having an underrated season, now, let me tell you something, Beasley has more yards than AJ Brown, more rec than DK Metcalf, more yards per catch than DeAndre Hopkins, more touchdowns than Julio Jones and more 100-yard games than Tyreek Hill, I picked him up in fantasy and he won me at least two matchups. The defense is ok, but it’s definitely not a talking point on the Bills, the offense carries the defense in Buffalo.

Dolphins: Out with the old, in with the new, that’s Brian Flores’ favorite quote. After this move, subbing out Ryan Fitzpatrick for Tua Tagovailoa, business has been booming in South Beach. The run game hasn’t worked as well as I thought it would, Tua hasn’t been using his legs as much and the running back by committee situation there hasn’t worked out, hence the “by committee” part of that phrase. After the Dolphins traded away Minkah Fitzpatrick (what is it with the Dolphins and not liking Fitzpatricks?), seemingly the only thing that the Dolphins were holding onto, they were expected to tank. But, look at them now, clawing for a playoff spot and are projected to land in the playoffs.

Patriots: I’m not going to spend too much time on the world-renowned New England Patriots. Cakewalk to the playoffs every year, right? Nope, not this year, Cam Newton; after letting the GOAT walk in free agency, they fell apart, no offense to speak of, and the star-studded defense fell apart after some people left the season due to COVID-19, and they have just been swallowed up by the horrendous offense. Nothing to speak of here, just a middle of the road team, who fell apart after Tom Brady left them.

Jets: Wow, the most Jets thing happened today, and I’m speechless, c’mon guys. You guys can’t win, can’t move the ball, can’t run the ball, can’t catch the ball, don’t even get me started on defense, and when you need to lose to get the greatest college QB prospect ever, Trevor Lawrence (which is #TFT, Tank for Trevor), you guys can’t even lose correctly. Sam Darnold marked this day, December 20, on his calendar as a special day for him. He planned to win today, just to halt all hopes and wishes for Jets fans. Ok, let’s direct our attention to Justin Fields, OSU QB. Scrambler, good potential, but not nearly anything that Lawrence has.

Chiefs: The Chiefs will be sitting pretty upon the AFC for a long time, with Patrick Mahomes at the helm, and Tyreek Hill as the first mate, Travis Kelce as the navigator and Andy Reid, the coach, as the cook or taste tester (dropped you a little joke, gents, see if you can figure it out). For as long as time existed, no one has an answer to speed, you can’t beat speed, no matter how hard you try, you’re going to get beat, simple as that. Tyreek Hill and Mecole Hardman are some of the fastest players in the NFL, Travis Kelce is the best TE in the NFL, and the best QB on the face of the earth, Patrick Mahomes are all on this team. Even the defense is amazing, you can’t make this stuff up, Tyrann Mathieu and Chris Jones are defensive wizards. At 13-1, and a playoff spot in their sights, they are Super Bowl favorites again.

Raiders: Like the Dolphins, no one expected the Raiders to be this good. Derek Carr or Marcus Mariota, whoever is behind center is going to lead this team to victory one way or another. But, the QB position is not what makes this team tick, the running back, Josh Jacobs is just blooming now and is an offensive superpower, Nelson Agholor (formerly imprisoned on the Eagles, where we’re just now beginning to realize that Agholor was not the problem, but Wentz was actually the infestation) and Henry Ruggs III are safety nets for the QBs to throw to; another great TE in the league, Darren Waller is yet another safety net and YAC gobbler. Injuries derailed this team so much that they are playing without a good chunk of the good players on their team, if they do manage to get into the playoffs, (Hot Take incoming…) watch out.

The Broncos and Chargers: These teams are very similar, both have young QBs, Drew Lock in orange and Justin Herbert in yellow, although one is much better, Herbert. Both have a running back situation that is horrible, Phillip Lindsay and Melvin Gordon is orange splitting time is disastrous for both backs and neither are really getting any headway, while the Chargers RB room is decent (couldn’t find a better word, can you?), Austin Ekeler (who had a good year, but then dropped off, but don’t count him out in 2021, injuries held him this year) and journeyman Kalen Ballage, both splitting time. The Broncos WRs are bad, they had Courtland Sutton, but he was injured, and the rest of the receivers just aren’t it, they aren’t producing. Keenan Allen (who is the last person you should pick up in fantasy) is up and down, up and down, Mike Williams was never good and you can’t count on the garbage time receivers that are also there. The defenses are really good, but injuries and COVID-19 frights (Von Miller and Derwin James Jr.) haven’t created fireworks for either side.

Steelers: P-R-E-T-E-N-D-E-R-S, not contenders, they are really bad. Ben Roethlisberger is getting old and can’t throw farther than 10 yards downfield, the receivers are busy making TikToks instead of actually catching passes from a machine (who might actually be better than Big Ben). The defense is actually scary, Minkah, TJ Watt, and Cameron Hayward but they haven’t been holding up, which is strange, they are really good. They’re going to make the playoffs, but don’t expect them to make it far, they have been choking against good teams.

Browns: They are 9-3, which is very unprecedented, Baker Mayfield turning out to be not such a bust, the return of Nick Chubb has compensated for Odell Beckham Jr.’s absence. The defense has two superstars, Myles Garrett and Denzel Ward, but my time spent watching games, analyzing games, writing blogs, and playing Madden has shown me that in no way, shape or form is two above average players to hold up a whole defense.

Ravens: Lamar Jackson has taken a huge dip from last season’s MVP season to this season’s mediocre season, but, he’s still a mobile quarterback and he can still sling the ball. The addition of J.K. Dobbins, a running back, has solidified an already stellar backfield with Mark Ingram and Jackson already there. Hollywood Brown and Willie Snead are the pass catcher, but they are kind of helped up by Mark Andrews, yet another great TE. The defense is scary but disabled, Marlon Humphrey and Calais Campbell are the best players, but sadly Earl Thomas left, disabling the defense, probably why they’re 9-5 instead of 11-3.

Bengals: Sadly, the number one overall pick, Joe Burrow, succumbed to a disgusting knee injury, quite obviously sidelining him for the rest of the NFL season. Joe Mixon also hasn’t played a normal game since Week 6, AJ Green dipped, probably because he wants his talents spent elsewhere. No TE and no offensive line to speak of. The defense is good on paper, but with how they’ve performed this season, I’m surprised they haven’t lost every single matchup, instead of going 2-10-1. Next year, without some major upgrades, expect some more of the same.

Titans: Derrick Henry is claiming lives by the game, the best stiff arm in the game proves itself again. Henry is worth trading your whole team for, and I’m not lying, with him being a pass-catcher, tank and a good pass blocker, he is a top three running back in the league. Sorry, but, it’s most likely Derrick Henry, Christian McCaffrey, and then Dalvin Cook as the best running backs in the league. Ryan Tannehill is a very capable QB, he can scramble occasionally, and he can definitely deliver the ball accurately. The defense is frustrating at best, Kevin Byard is the best player on this team, one word: rough. A few upgrades in the offseason and Super Bowl favorites are in sight for the Titans.

Colts: They defied all expectations this season and now they are en route to a playoff berth. Amazing in my opinion, TY Hilton hasn’t been great this season, and they lost Marlon Mack early in the season but Nyheim Hines and rookie Jonathan Taylor are picking it up. I am not a big fan of Philip Rivers, he’s old and doesn’t have an arm, if you haven’t guessed yet, I like a young QB with a cannon. The defense is picking it up; the secondary has also been really good, with Xavier Rhodes and Kenny Moore leading the charge plus the best defensive line in the NFL equals 10-5, exactly where they’re sitting right now.

Texans: They are wasting Deshaun Watson’s amazing talent. He has a big arm, he’s young and he can scramble out of the pocket and deliver a dot. My type of field general. After Bill O’Brien made the worst move in NFL history, trading DeAndre Hopkins to the Cardinals for a washed-up running back and a few draft picks. Watson doesn’t have that safety net that is so crucial for a young QB, but now Kyler Murray has it, and he’s thriving. The Texans have an aging JJ Watt and that’s it on defense, all of this together is like nails on a chalkboard, playoff team to 4-10, yikes.

Jaguars: Jaguars fans are ecstatic right now after the Jets stumble across a win. The Jaguars will now most likely get Trevor Lawrence, the greatest college prospect to ever play, and boy do the Jags need it. Him alongside James Robinson, a rookie running back tearing it up for them, and their young defense, with Myles Jack, Josh Allen, and CJ Henderson, they are looking good, just like they were a few years ago, as Super Bowl favorites. CJ Henderson turning into Jalen Ramsey, do you see it? I see it. I’m still really butt hurt about the Jets winning (sounds crazy, my father didn’t get it either until I explained it to him), but now we will have to be content with Justin Fields. Let me do my homework on him, and I’ll talk about him on my Wednesday blog.