Spring Training Tomorrow; Season Opener April 1

Yes, Spring Training starts tomorrow. In another time I would be playing Little League, except that about a 15 or so months ago, someone in China decided to eat a bat. You know the rest, unless, of course, you experienced a Jumanji-type thing where you were stuck in the past for a while, perfectly understandable, perfectly understandable.

But yes, after an offseason that skyrocketed the Mets straight through the roof, we’re finally here. I will be going over each team and their expectation and, of course, I will throw in this abused, over used phrase: there’s always next year.

And no, you won’t have to split this blog up over your lifetime because it won’t be that long. I will try to shorten it to about 2 or 3, but 4 max sentences about each team, I’m already at 139 words so I’ll shut up and write about baseball.

Tampa Bay Rays: Search up Wendy’s roasts Tampa Bay Rays, sounds weird, right? Just do it. They got Rich Hill, an aging pitcher, Chris Archer, another pitcher that reached his peak, but here comes the good stuff, to add to their already stupid good roster, they got Luis Patino, the #19 overall MLB prospect and Francisco Mejia, both from the Padres, both one of the cornerstones of the future of the Padres. Cy Young winner Blake Snell packs his bags, along with Charlie Morton (a player who ages like fine wine) and Hunter Renfroe. They lose Jose Alvarado and Nate Lowe, both players that decorate their roster, not too big. Still in the bottom sixth of the league in salary, with scrappy, young players, I don’t expect them to get to the playoffs, much less the World Series, it would be a miracle if they win over 90 games, hey, a run like last year’s only happens once in a team’s lifetime. (short, eh?)

New York Yankees: The Yankees are starting to look like the 2016-17 Warriors, just building a superteam, brick by brick, $15 million contract by $15 million contract, and more, of course. The Yankees got major upgrades, bringing back DJ Lemahieu, ranked wayyyy too high on mlb.com’s top 100 players of the MLB season, Corey Kluber, they went to Vegas on this one, he’s older and he’s very injury prone (but that fits the Yanks, right?), and Jameson Taillon, to bolster their rotation. The Yankees really screwed up with their departures, Masahiro Tanaka went to Japan, J.A. Happ didn’t like New York, and goes up to Minnesota, Luis Avilan, Tommy Kahnle, and Adam Ottavino all leave New York as well, some of their best relievers leave. Second basketball comparison in a row (I’m on a roll), the Yanks are like the Spurs, they’re always gonna make the playoffs, so yeah, they’re gonna get to the playoffs, they’ll win around 90-100 games.

Toronto Blue Jays: This team’s trying to make a run for the playoffs, and anyone who doesn’t think this team is interesting is not a baseball fan. They got George Springer (an offensive sparkplug to an already great offense), Steven Matz, who they shouldn’t expect anything out of, Kirby Yates, just bullpen help at this point. Also, Marcus Semien, which is an interesting acquisition, maybe as a mentor, Robbie Ray, who I think will thrive this year, and Tyler Chatwood, who, again, I don’t expect much out of it. A lot of these signings were just filling in the holes at a bare minimum. They lost Chase Anderson, who I never really liked because he didn’t bring much to the mound, Jonathan Villar, who they got a better replacement for, and Ken Giles, he’s 30, not too old, right, well, for relievers, age is something like dog years, so, Giles is around 87. I expect that this is the beginning of a long rebuild, but the Jays handled this beautifully, so, there’s always next year, as for this year, I would they’re gonna be around mid-70s, low 80s in wins.

Baltimore Orioles: Does this team know how to rebuild? From looking at their offseason, I doubt it. They got an aging infielder, Freddy Galvis, who’s not getting any younger, Yolmer Sanchez, who had the sky as his ceiling, but then it dropped off pretty fast, Felix Hernandez and Matt Harvey, both to minor league deals. They lost Jose Iglesias, who they subbed in with FREDDY GALVIS? They also got Hanser Alberto, who has a bunch of untapped potential in my opinion, and Renato Nunez, one of their only young lightbulbs, keyword being young. Orioles fans are going to have to be put on Suicide Watch because with how their team is doing, I expect them to be worse this year.

Boston Red Sox: The Red Sox had an interesting offseason, last year, they got rid of Mookie Betts, albeit for a handsome payout, but still, Mookie? This year they said bye to Andrew Benintendi. They got Kike Hernandez as a utility man, Hunter Renfroe for the gaping hole in the Sox now (think Selena Gomez without her two front teeth, and there is no Christmas), Martin Perez as a starter, and Adam Ottavino among other relief pitchers and Marwin Gonzalez to give Ron Roenicke some breathing room. They also picked up Franchy Cordero in the AB trade. All they lost was Andrew Benintendi, but as I’ve said, that’s a lot. Beginning of a rebuild, they have embarked on a “Rockets,” which, if you didn’t read my last blog, is a rebuild where you have cap space, no good players, a generally bad team, but enough average players to keep their dignity, so, I’d say them and the Orioles slug it out for the worst team in the NL East.

Minnesota Twins: The Twins are somehow going to have to get back to number one in their division, somehow. They got Nelson Cruz, a slugger but he’s old, so he’ll definitely not do what he was doing earlier in his career, and he may not even be a starter, they got J.A. Happ, another old guy, and Alex Colome, to get that lockDOWN closer. They lost Eddie Rosario, a solid hit almost every at-bat, Trevor May, who just gave them some aesthetically pleasing play, Marwin Gonzalez, a big hit, and Sergio Romo, who is like Ken Giles, 87 years old in reliever years. I think they’re going to sit at 3^rd place in the NL Central.

Cleveland Indians: Now here are some fans that should be put in a rehab clinic, or some Men and Black stuff, like memory wiping. They got Eddie Rosario, who is a big help to them, to at least try to regain Francisco Lindor star power, Amed Rosario, who they shouldn’t expect much out of, and Andres Gimenez. I do think that Gimenez will be amazing in his career but his first MLB season was “eh,” and he was not expected to be “eh.” They also got a bunch of burned out vets on minor league deals, who probably won’t be seeing much of the bigs. They lost Francisco Lindor, the be-all and end-all of the Indians, Carlos Carrasco, a reliable pitcher, Carlos Santana, with biceps that make Arnold Schwarzenneger take a second look, and Domingo Santana, a big bat, but now he’s bringing his talents to Japan. Next year, Indians fans, you have the most cap space, with a stacked 2021-2022 shortstop free agent market, even with 2 or 3 resignations. I think they’ll be fourth in the division, at around 80 wins.

Chicago White Sox: Hey! They got the AL MVP, finally, some more people know that there’s another baseball team in Chicago, let’s capitalize on that, shall we? They got Liam Hendriks and Lance Lynn, both nice additions. No new firepower on offense, aaaaand they lost James McCann, Yolmer Sanchez and Nomar Mazara, that was most of the offensive firepower. One year wonder for the White Sox, I don’t expect them to be back in the playoffs, just one more year of having a great offseason and then we’ll talk, but for now, I think third in the division.

Kansas City Royals: Want a crash course on how to capitalize on something? Look no further than the city famous for Patrick Mahomes. The Royals got one of the most explosive young players right now in Andrew Benintendi and they didn’t give up all that much, Franchy Cordero and two players to be named later. Bargain. Also, they got Carlos Santana, haaa, you thought that was all the offense, huh? Nope, they still got Michael A. Taylor for the defensive side of the ball and he can hit. Another Rangers pitcher was given away, Mike Minor came to Kansas City. All they gave up was Khalil Lee to the Mets, and the three players mentioned above. Alex Gordon also retired. They’re right where they want to be, they got all of the right young players and a good amount of money, but all of this hasn’t amounted to anything –  yet. I say they go 2^nd in the division.

Detroit Tigers: Now here’s a team that is really struggling in sports, not just baseball, all of them. They got Jonathan Schoop and Robbie Grossman, two ok hitters, but to the Tigers, that’s like getting Joe DiMaggio and Lou Gehrig. The Mets got rid of the cancer that is Wilson Ramos and the Tigers took him. They didn’t lose anyone big, but I don’t know what is classified as “big,” judge for yourself, Ivan Nova, Austin Romine, and Jordan Zimmerman. The Tigers don’t have any big names, so, back to the gutter for them, 5^th in the division.

Oakland Athletics: Billy Beane would be happy with what David Forst did with the team, dragging them back to the playoffs. I just want to say how amazing Matt Chapman and Matt Olson are, they are the only big talent on the A’s, and they led their division last year. This offseason, they got Elvis Andrus and Mitch Moreland on the offensive end, to smooth out some of the bumps, and Trevor Rosenthal, Mike Fiers, and Sergio Romo (there were a lot, these were the best), Rosenthal to help the back-end of the rotation, and the two others to make the bullpen very potent. My prediction is around 4^rd in their division.

Houston Astros: The cheaters are a good team, no one’s taking that away from them, and I respect good teams unless they get one of their cornerstones for a bag of chips and a can of soda. They got Michael Brantley and Jason Castro came back, giving them solid hitters and “eh” defense. They didn’t lose a lot of players, just one notable player, George Springer. Yes, he’s amazing, did they need him? No, but they do need a superstar CF to pick up right where they left off last year, and better. I think they’ll be first in their division, at around 90 wins.

Seattle Mariners: I saw a gem on the Internet today: the only way to stop Tom Brady from winning yet another ring is to put him on the Mariners. True, true, very true. The Mariners got James Paxton, I’m all for that move, that seems amazing for them, Kendall Graveman, Kenyan Middleton, Rafael Montero, and Ken Giles were all signings to give them a safety net and for their fans not to chew their nails when the seventh, eighth, and ninth innings roll around, like Mets fans. They didn’t lose any major players, just dead weights, Dee Gordon, Carl Edwards Jr. (who’s actually really good), and Mallex Smith. I think they’ll still be really bad this year, I predict last in their division, at around high 70 wins.

LA Angels: Mike Trout and Anthony Rendon are the only actually respectable players on this team, they’re both really good, but can the rest of the team keep up? I don’t know. They got Dexter Fowler, as a mentor most likely, and a small starting role, Raisel and Jose Iglesias, one with amazing potential to make the bullpen great and the other for another mentorship/small starting spot. Jose Quintana and Alex Cobb also make their way to Los Angeles, hey, I like this Angels team, except for Andrelton Simmons departing, along with some small bullpen pieces, but Andrelton Simmons was really good, that guy could range EVERYWHERE, making Derek Jeter-esque plays look easy. I think they’ll be 3^nd in their division, yeah, I said it, and at around 85 wins.

Texas Rangers:  The Rangers need to rebuild, they need a fresh start and then they’ll begin, but bringing in Khris Davis, is like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound, it won’t help and when you take it off (trading him or releasing him) will hurt like a b**ch. Mike Foltynewicz, David Dahl, and Nate Lowe are also some players they got, wow, did the Texans get some really good players, but still, my diagnosis is a really bad team and my treatment is a rebuild. They lost Lance Lynn, Elvis Andrus, and Corey Kluber, all of them good players but that doesn’t sum up to what the Rangers got.

NL tomorrow, guys and gals.