Sunday, February 13, 2022

Crystal Ball Ahead of Super Bowl LVI


Nobody predicted this Super Bowl, nobody did. Nobody was saying the Bengals would make the playoffs, or finish in the top half of their division. Everyone thought that Ja’Marr Chase was a bust a week into the preseason. Some thought Joe Burrow wouldn’t ever be great because he blew out his knee a year before. He blew his knee out because of their bad offensive line that they didn’t really bother to upgrade. The Bengals' defense didn’t have anyone on defense to be a juggernaut. For the Rams, nobody had a solid opinion on Matt Stafford. The Rams lost their starting running back, Cam Akers, in the preseason, to a torn Achilles (he’s back). Who thought Cooper Kupp would be so good? Nobody did and I mean he was good, like over 1,900 receiving yards and OPOY good. Who knew OBJ wasn’t going to be happy in Cleveland so he gets traded midseason and adds yet another to their offense? And everyone knew the defense was going to smother all opposing offenses.

This is going to be a very close game. Two weeks ago, nobody thought it was going to be close, as we get nearer and nearer to the Super Bowl, it’s getting closer and closer.

The veteran Matt Stafford versus everybody’s new favorite player, Joe Burrow. Both teams will need to mix up their game plans. The Rams are the much better team on paper, but so were the Chiefs.

For you bettors out there, there are some great props out there, just need to find the right ones.

But by far, the most fun ones are the coin flip prediction and the Gatorade color the couch is going to take a shower in after the game.

My predictions: Tails and Orange

Some more is the time it takes to sing the national anthem: Over or under 95 secs. It’s the over, don’t overthink it.

Jersey Number of the 1st Touchdown Scorer: Over or under 23.5. It’s the under, you have Joe Burrow rushing it in, Cooper Kupp, Odell Beckham Jr, Ja’Marr Chase and Cam Akers.

Odell Beckham and CJ Uzomah will both score anytime in the game.

Stat Predictions (there’s like a 1% chance I get any of these right, but hey, it’s fun)

Joe Burrow: 302 yds, 2 TDs, 1 INT

Matt Stafford: 254 yds, 3 TDs

Cam Akers: 70 yds

Joe Mixon: 43 yds

Ja’Marr Chase: 93 Rec yds, 7 rush yds, 1 touchdown

Cooper Kupp: 84 rec yds, 1 touchdown

Odell Beckham Jr.: 64 rec yds, 11 rush yards, 1 touchdown

Van Jefferson: 54 rec yds, 1 touchdown

Tee Higgins: 82 rec yds

CJ Uzomah: 56 yds, 1 touchdown

Tyler Boyd: 52 rec yds

Evan McPherson: 3 FGs

Rams total team sacks: 4

Bengals total team sacks: 1

Jalen Ramsey: The only interception

Finally:

Bengals +4 is going to hit. The Bengals are going to win. There is no explanation needed. The Bengals are the hottest team in the NFL and Joe Shiesty will produce.

I so badly want to see a high-scoring game, and I think that’s what we’re going to see. The over for points, easy.

Score Prediction: Bengals 34, Rams 31.

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